Out of the mouths of babes

AP came over last night and he’d purposely aimed to get here before the kids went to bed as both of us have been talking about him spending more time with “us” (as in me and the kids) recently. I had to smile because as soon as I’d let the children know AP was on his way over, both of them were watching out of the window for him! They both genuinely seem to like him as a person and accept him as my boyfriend/someone I spend time with/someone I love.

I am totally happy that their introduction to him was done slowly. First of all they knew that I had a “friend” but I didn’t ever refer to AP as “him” or “her” at that point – just “my friend” so that they knew I was spending time with someone. It was a LONG time before I let them know that my friend was a man, and by then I’d started talking about AP just dropping his name into conversation so it was a gradual process that I introduced him into their lives. Even then it was several weeks before they met him – I just started slowly talking about him a little more, and when they met for the first time it was on neutral turf at a local park. I think I was more nervous that day than my kids or AP were!!

Aaaaanyway the point of the backtracking is that they both do genuinely like him, and as I scooted the kids up to bed last night while AP was here, my 9 year old son asked me …

“Is AP going to be moving in soon?”

It totally threw me! It isn’t something *I* had really thought about let alone had an answer for! Obviously I’ve thought about the future with AP and imagined us together … but as to him moving in with us in the soon to very near future? It hadn’t really been something I’d seriously sat down and thought about.

I diffused the question by answering it with a question!  ”What made you ask me that?” He replied that AP and I were a good couple and that we were in love. I asked him why he thought AP and I were in love and his answer was that he just knew we were! Apparently – according to my 9 year old son, AP is good for me! I have to admit I was stunned at how astute that boy can be!

I didn’t really know where to go from there, so I just tried to assure my son that although yes, AP and I are in love and we do love each other a lot, that he needs to get to know them and they need to get to know him before anybody moves in with anybody!! I told him that it was very important to me not to rush things in a relationship and before I had a chance to say anything else, he asked me if that was what happened with me and his dad. It was a tough one to answer but I told him honestly that yes, his dad and I did rush things, however, had we NOT rushed things and if things had happened differently then he and his sister would never have been born. I wouldn’t go back and change a thing if it meant not having them.

In an ideal world (from his point of view) his dad and I would still be together, but he does understand that we don’t live in an ideal world! Hopefully my kids will learn from my mistakes and make sure that they pay attention to the red flags that life waves at them. Hopefully one day I will too!