It’s a shame that I only feel the need to post when I am down.
I just want you to know that normally, I am a happy person. My life is not as bad as it may seem by reading my posts.
For the last two days, my husband has been in a mood.
I seriously do not know why – I have given up trying to work out what sets him off.
It must be a very sad existence when you are always looking for excuses to be upset.
My response to his mood has been very good – I just let him rant and rave to himself.
I made a decision that I would not give him power to hurt me. I made myself smile and laugh with the kids and it worked. The kids and I have just ignored him and had a very nice time together.
I had the power to stay happy. This was very good for me, and very good for the kids.
Happiness is known to be good for physical and mental well being.
Have you ever heard of these mothers, especially in years gone by, who would say: “I laboured for forty-eight hours [or however long] to bring you into this world, now you can do x for me/now you’re not even prepared to do x for me!” I love using this one on my kids, but there’s a twist to it.
All three times I gave birth, it went pretty quickly. J was four hours from show to hello. I was then determined to cut that time in half with the next birth, and after reading a snippet in some parenting magazine that walking about fifteen kilometres a week during pregnancy can seriously shorten the duration of birth, I walked three kilometres a day, five days a week. Pushing little Jonathan in his pram. L’s birth took one and a half hours.
Then N came along, and really broke records by taking forty-seven minutes from first contraction to here-I-am. Seeing as I have a really stupid sense of humour, I find it hilarious to tell the kids: “I laboured for forty-seven minutes to bring you into this world, now tickle my back!” That and brushing my hair. I love it, and always cajole them with the ‘I laboured for…’ thing to get them to indulge me, laughing about my silly joke every time.
L is not stupid, though. The other day as she brushed my hair, she says: “Mommy, you know, you took four hours to give birth to J, one and a half hours with me, and forty-seven minutes for N. We’ve been tickling your back probably once a week for five minutes each for the last six years or so. That’s a lot of time, if you put it all together. I reckon you owe us two babies!”
I love that girl of mine so much. She has a wicked sense of humour.
I made a choice earlier this week, to try and “participate in life and make my choices more meaningful”.
As part of this, I wanted to make Friday a little bit different since we have more time up our sleeves (no homework, easy meal for dinner – During the week I make bigger meals that are re-heatable so hubby can take it to work the next day)
Come Friday, I was tired, and I could feel the motivation had drained out of me! We walked home from school in the heat, my wee man often stopped and just sat on the footpath. My two girls had gone ahead and was sitting under the shade ready for me to help them cross the “busy” T section (it’s not that busy, but feels busy when I think about my girl’s crossing a T section that has some blind corners!) I was pushing my youngest in the pram, who was about ready to fall asleep because of the heat and the busy session at Playcentre earlier that morning. Yet, we all pressed on, and we made it home….except my motivation had not made it!
Part of me wanted to forget about my little plan, part of me wanted to go through with it, because I liked the idea of trying to do something a little special on a Friday.
Who won?
It took a little while, but I finally got myself moving. I decided that we were going to have a picnic at the playground for dinner.
In my head I knew it was a good idea to do this, and that thought helped me go through with it…and then it happened…my heart melted.
I could see my two youngest children on the springy bike, giggling to each other. My youngest was sitting at the back of my 5 year old son with her hands wrapped around him, gleeing with delight. (the shot above is of my two youngest on another occasion on the springy bike…but captures what I saw yesterday.)
Aaaaahh…this was the reward, this is what made the effort all worth it.
My mind was in it, but now my heart was in also.
My 9 year old daughter and I spent some time hanging out on a climbing frame that had a hammock type set up at the top. We just talked. Bliss…
Today I had many moments where I noticed my heart melt….
…….working as a team to tidy our house and Playcentre this morning. We worked hard, but for a good cause.
……..watching my kids having fun with their friends at our Ward Picnic at Eastbourne Beach. You can’t beat the huge smile on their faces!
…….watching my kids play together building sand castles.
…….watching a mum and a dad taking baby steps with their children to help them jump off the warf for the first time. (I wasn’t quite ready for it, I think my kids would have seen the fear in my eyes!)
…….the many hugs and kisses I got tonight from my kids…heavenly!
…….feeling that today was a good day, with wonderful memories.
A few (not the best quality) shots from making my mini Okido book. I decided to create it by sewing as I really wanted to try some more sewing so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity and I thought it would be something really different, instead of just creating it by paper.
I used the 16 page origami you tube video to create it.
Woke up @9 AM to a poop covered Hank bawling his eyes out. For some reason he decided to manually check his diaper. And wipe it all over his fingers and hands. Threw him in the tub. Got him dressed and checked my e-mail to find that my meet-once-a-month class that I thought met this Saturday actually met LAST Saturday.
SHIIIIIITTT!
Quickly sent an apologetic email asking what I could do.
Got Meechie off the bus. Fed the kids and threw myself in the shower. Got out to see that Hank needed ANOTHER change of clothes because he was covered in jelly. Changed his diaper while I was at it. Printed off my Chem review sheet for the exam tomorrow and herded the kids and my paperwork in the car.
Headed to Canton campus. Checked for arch nemesis in parking lot. Clear. Hurried the kids to the Chem tutoring lab to get the review sheet answers. Woman that heads the tutoring center thought that just giving me the answers was along the lines of cheating. Waited for Dr. Heldt to return to her office so that she could clear me to get the answers so I can study.
Copied sheets while the kids climbed all over furniture and colored. Got the kids out to the car and went to Aldi. Along the drive I realized that it was 2PM and I hadn’t eaten at ALL yet. Stomach growled which reminded me that I have to get on top of some appointments to finalize my prereqs for stomach stapling surgery.
Got to Aldi. Got kids in cart. Picked up fruit, cheese(s), salad mix, soda, veggies for dinner. Got kids to car. Loaded groceries in trunk. Returned cart.
Got home. Meechie helped me bring in groceries. Threw a snack at the kids. Started cooking a pork roast for dinner. Threw a load of dishes in the dishwasher. Ate some cottage cheese.
Fed the kids dinner and FaceBooked for a while. Waiting for Michael to get home so WE can have dinner. Have to call the daycare lady to see if she and her son are still sick. If they are, Michael has to call in sick to work tomorrow to watch the kids. Then get the kids to bed. Then I have to study for a Chem exam.
Oh no, sad news today I’m afraid.. one of our lovely guinea pigs has died and worse still, it is my three-year old’s very best friend in the whole wide world and I just can’t be the one to break her little heart..
I know having pets is supposed to be good for children to teach them responsibilities and also to teach them about life and death itself and all the bits in between.. but I just can’t face telling her that her furry little friend is no more. I know without doubt that she would be absolutely heart-broken and I just can’t do it to her. My elder children know of the bad news already as my son was the one to actually find the poor little mite and they are both fine with it. But I think at ten and eleven years old, they are just that bit older where although they may be sad, they can accept the bad news.
The guinea pigs were claimed by my three year old upon their arrival to us as ‘hers’ and the elder children have very little to do with them. She feeds them and dotes on them every day – she can literally sit for hours with them on her knee just stroking them. They love her just as much as she loves them too and squeak with delight when they see her. And the poor little squiggly pig that is no more, just happens to be her favourite one.. So sad..
So rightly or wrongly, when my little darling goes to nursery this afternoon, we are going to the pet shop to hopefully buy a replacement looky-likey guinea pig and hopefully she will never have to find out the awful heart-breaking truth. Of course, we did consider the fact that we may not be able to find an exact looky-likey and if that’s the case, we have come up with an elaborate story involving the beloved guinea pig going to visit her relatives in South America while her cousin comes to stay with us for a while to keep our other furry friend company
I don’t know if this is right or wrong.. I’m certainly not the first parent to have done this and I’m sure that I won’t be the last. I just can’t be one to break such awful news and I only want to protect her. She’s only three and she is such a loving, sensitive, little thing and I honestly can’t convey just how much she loved this little guinea pig.
So what do you think? Do you think I am wrong and that I should use this news as a life lesson as it were? Or would you do the same and lie to protect your little one from heartbreak too?
In her book, Parenting, Inc., author Pamela Paul contends (and I agree) that all those battery-operated toys children now play with are robbing them of their sense of creativity and empowerment. She recounts stories of children who look for the batteries in every toy they pick up, or who pick up a stuffed animal and ask: “What does this do?”
It brought to mind a 3-year old I started working with last year. To get him involved with the Sensorial materials, I invited him to play a game. His response? “I don’t like your games. I only like video games.” This, before the child even turned four.
Many parents who try Montessori at home wonder why their child doesn’t show much interest or respect for the materials they so lovingly purchase and create. The answer might lie in this stunning fact: The average child in America gets SEVENTY (70!) new toys each year. According to the book, “the United States, with four percent of the world’s children, consumes 40 percent of the world’s toys.” I can attest to this phenomenon first-hand: a 3-year old child from my fiance’s family spent almost TWO DAYS opening Christmas presents (to my utter amazement and shock). All of her gifts were either plastic cartoon merchandise or flashy and noisy so-called educational toys. While the plastic toys contain phthalates and bisphenol-A (hormonal disruptors) and send inappropriate gender messages (Princess Barbie, anyone?), the flashy toys encourage children to become “passive absorbers” of information, ruthlessly stealing their creativity and fostering impatience and dependence. Suddenly, a small assortment of hand-made toys sounds great, huh?
Paul focuses an entire chapter on “edutainment”, a catch phrase for the so-called educational DVDs (led by Baby Einstein) that have come to substitute the babysitter or the helpful relative. Although the book was written before Disney admitted the products’ shortcomings and offered refunds, it presents a solid case against purchasing the useless – and even harmful – videos. Why harmful? Consider this: According to Paul, the A Day In the Farm DVD has six scene changes in a twenty-second segment. Researchers interviewed for the book argue that “overstimulation is damaging to the developing mind”. They explain that “the brain’s orienting reflex is triggered when a baby hears a strange sight or sound: He can’t help but focus.” When the scene changes rapidly, the new colors, sounds, and movements whiplash a baby’s brain back into the action. This reminds me of friends with babies, who marveled at the videos’ ability to hold their baby’s interest. Well, guess what? They can’t help themselves! Contrary to the manufacturers’ promises, not only are the babies not learning anything useful (since they are programmed by nature to learn through physical interactions, not passive absorption), but their future ability to concentrate is negatively impacted.
Parenting, Inc. also looks at the mushrooming enrichment class industry. Parents spend dozens of hours – and hundreds of dollars – each month shuttling their children to classes that provide the same type of stimulation which previous generations of children got from parents and caregivers, at home, for free. While there’s nothing wrong with a swimming lesson, ballet class, or piano instruction, many children’s schedules are managed more tightly than a CEO’s, leaving little time for riding bikes, going to the park, and being kids. Consider one mom I worked with last year: She sent me a two-page letter outlining her 3-year old daughter’s weekly activities and asking me for my thoughts. She had programmed her child’s entire day in half-hour segments, except for the one-hour formal classes she took daily, which included piano, horse-back riding, tumbling, swimming and art. From the time she came home from Montessori school at noon, the child was herded from one activity to the next, whether she liked it or not. Even her weekends were programmed. Not surprisingly, the child was a nervous wreck and struggled to adapt to the free-choice Montessori environment.
What’s shocking is that this frenetic pace starts soon after the baby is born, with more and more classes being targeted towards infants. One example the book gives is the popular music class for babies. Proponents argue that exposure to music is essential for a child’s proper development and support their claims with the much-hyped Mozart effect theory. Not only has the Mozart effect been discredited by well-founded studies, but what’s wrong with exposing your child to music at home while you fold laundry, saving yourself thousands of dollars a year? Interestingly, the book points out that the only ones who seem to benefit are the mommies, who have a great excuse to get out of the house and meet other new parents. There’s nothing wrong with meeting people in the same boat as you, but if I remember correctly, my mom used to meet her friends in a place designed to truly satisfy children’s needs. We called it “the park”.
Ear Correction is a cosmetic surgery operation that is often performed on children, and patients who have amoralities, road accidents, or for cosmetic purposes. This procedure is not recommended for children under the age of 12 years, but will be administered on special cases. Ear correction is one of the most common procedures performed in cosmetic surgery, on holds a 90% success rate. There are different names associated with ear correction, ear pinning, otoplasty, pinnoplasty to name a few. When considering ear correction, research your surgeon, understand the operation, and after care service.
We understand that you have business to be done, but we can see that you also have a family. We have an option! Bring your kids along, we have educational and fun activities for the kids while you conduct business. We are very serious about our professionalism, but we know life happens. Sit down and we’ll let you in on a little secret, behind our business attire, we’ve got families nearby too. Bring the kids, we are child friendly!
Finding it difficult to sustain a constant level of infinite excitement that our baby may be born at any moment. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to meet her but we expected her 11 days ago so I’m beginning to think I might be imagining the whole thing and I’m still asleep last June dreaming the whole of the last nine months.
In spite of the vicious and ever-present acid reflux my wife is suffering we are taking the Thai green curry route today – make it extra hot please….
As we stay with our families and friends, we usually spend much money in parties, celebrations, fun, and much more. Have you ever thought od children orphaned in war? If you have ever, then you will believe me that these children have no one to attend to them, and they also miss all that fun, future, tender care, and so they have no hope. We can transform their lives by being their Biblical neighbours and in so doing, we become their parents.
The whole world will be a better place to stay if we care for others as if they were our own. I am in Uganda but when someone from X country in W Continent contributes to my dream, then we make the whole world look like a small global village. If this happens, then we will reach every point of this world and we will be one global family living in different global locations. The Bible says, preach the Gospel starting from Galilee, I have to start from home too. Be a part of me and help me with any thing. Even knowledge and guidance is required. This is my dream for children in the world and I would like to start from Uganda, then the great lakes regions, and finally out to the rest.
Below is a summary of my objectives for the Good Samaritan Mission Ministry – Uganda.
To extend the Christian Hand to the people in Northern Uganda and bear witness to the resurrected Christ.
To implement Jesus Christ’s commandment as quoted in Matthew 28:19 – 20.
To create awareness in sexual health, prevention and control of STDs and STI including HIV/Aids.
To improve the livelihood of school going Children in Northern Uganda.
To groom a breed of vocationally oriented Children who can sustain themselves at the completion of each academic level especially at the completion of Senior four and Senior Six on the Uganda National curriculum standard.
To improve the health standard of the region through the extension of Good Health services, Community based Health care, good sanitation, and services like tap water.
To rehabilitate and remodel the children who have been born and brought up in the camps by giving them hope for a brighter future through the support of peace, unity and love for culture and family.
To be the Christian Parents to the children who lost their biological parents during the 24 year war and build confidence in them as a generation that can survive and support others world wide.
To be a model for good social work and psychological being.
To support children at all levels of growth through social-economic empowerment.
To help government in its IDP settlement program through the provision of Education at its highest standard. (For charity and Christianity not politics)
Join me and help me to reach this dream. You can contact me for details at shadrachmat@gmail.com or just make a phone call on +256792126899.
In 2007 I came up with an idea for a children’s book/poem. Being artsy, I developed the look of my characters first, the ‘Bubble Dragons’. Well I’ve recently completed the poem and want to look at getting it illustrated and presented to publishers in 2010/11. That is my goal, but ’til then I invite you into their world..
I was going to write this and update the blog a few days ok, but you know, I just couldn’t be bothered. Meh.
I’m so unmotivated to do anything I need to do, that I just while away the time doing nothing. Even writing this blog – I started writing it, wrote the first sentence, then propped my head on one hand and idly googled images for ‘motivation’ and ‘lack of motivation’, because I couldn’t be bothered to finish writing. And this isn’t even the important stuff! (I couldn’t find an image I really liked, but this pretty much sums me up I think…)
So… not so good so far this week. Having been really positive going to my counsellor a week ago, and feeling like I’d made a really good first step, doing my homework, getting some sleep, being more positive, it’s all hit a big ol’ slump again. And it’s all down to motivation really. I never try at anything. Why?
Partly I think that’s through fear – if you don’t try, you can’t fail, can you? And as a perfectionist, I don’t ‘do’ failing. Or rather, obviously I do fail sometimes but the self-recriminations are so enormous it’s probably best not to try in general.
Partly it’s sheer laziness. I am lazy. Given a choice between spending a day in bed with a cup of tea and book (well, a number of cups of tea), and doing something useful, I’d be under the duvet before you could say, er, duvet. I like to think that this is down to some deep psychological issue on my part – a fear of engaging with the world, a need to be apart and spend time in solitude, but mostly I think I’m just downright lazy.
Partly it’s boredom. I feel like I’m living in a big world of ennui, where everything is boring and unsatisfying and meaningless, and it’s much better to waste my life just clicking links on the internet and letting things flash before my bored eyes, than actually engaging in life, or at the very least emptying the bins. Last night I didn’t go to bed until midnight, despite being unwell, because I was (and I am ashamed to admit it) looking through the first 37 pages of ugliesttattoos.com. Now I have no particular interest in tattoos, particularly ugly ones, but it was easier to slump in my computer chair and click ‘next page’ than it was to put my pyjamas on and go to bed. Despite knowing that my children would wake me up, I’d be tired, and I’d been ill. Can anyone explain this to me?
I think partly (and this may sound arrogant, so apologies), I’m not in the habit of trying with things, because I never learnt it. As a child/teenager/young adult, I was one of those people who could get A for attainment, with an E for effort. All my work was always done on time, deadlines were met in all aspects, I was never late or naughty or anything, but mostly I found things easy (academic things, not, like, life). When things started to get harder – when I was 18 or so – I freaked. What, I have to ‘try’?! I’m not saying I’m a super-genius with a brain capable of taking over the world, but I generally found things easy for much of my life. And now that I’m a real adult, who has to tackle real things that aren’t interesting and require effort, I can’t be arsed.
I might be reading too much into all this. Maybe I just am lazy. Really bored and lazy. But it does worry me (apart from anything else, I now have the image of a lot of really ugly tattoos to deal with…)
So here’s what I can’t get motivated to do:
my counselling homework. And this is despite me being determined that this time was IT. I was going to get moving, and feel the benefits. AND despite the fact I started and I did start to feel the benefits. And it’s not even that much, as a minimum. I’m ashamed to go back to my counsellor next week and admit this. I have so many reasons to get on with it, and nothing’s working.
work for a qualification I’m doing. It’s all through CPD (continuing professional development) which means it’s about motivating and challenging yourself. I’m screwed, aren’t I?
working in my job. This is quite serious really, given that it’s my job and all. But again, bare minimum. I won’t be fired – I get things done, I deliver – but it’s all a bit last minute, and I hate that. I’m someone who’s not comfortable with last minute things, and yet the motivation to prepare things beforehand just isn’t there, so I faff.
being healthier. Not necessarily an ‘action’ that I need to do – but changes I need to make. I should be exercising (I started after all), eating healthily, drinking more water, and getting more sleep. I haven’t exercised in a while – OK, I’ve had some really manky illnesses, but I could have done. Eating is out of the window again despite the fact I’m sure I was so ill yesterday because I’ve been eating badly (I’m dairy- and yeast-intolerant but can’t be motivated enough not to sit and eat chocolate and bread). I barely drink water, or indeed anything beyond a couple of cups of tea, and the fact that I was up until midnight browsing tattoos would suggest that I’m not doing so well on the sleep issue either.
day-to-day stuff. Why are there piles of paperwork in my bedroom? Why is the ironing pile turning into a living breathing beast, it is so large, that will one day suffocate me where I sleep? Why is the washing up left until midnight; washing never folded and put away; the toy-tidying done at the last minute, if at all; and the ‘to do’ list now standing at 3 pages long?
There’s so much more. Basically nothing is getting done. I just want to let time wash by me, while I sit and stare at nothing and let my mind wander. I want years to pass by without me noticing, despite the fact I already feel the children are growing up too fast. I don’t want to engage with anything, I just can’t be bothered. Life is just meh. (In another moment of idle-time-wastingness, I just google imaged ‘meh’. And this pic is exactly the pose I’m sitting in.
Although not with the hat or nappy, obviously.)
It’s driving me mad. I’m someone who gets twitchy and irritable with a messy house, panics about lateness and missing deadlines, stomps around if I’m tired, and feels guilty and ashamed for letting people down by not doing things. So why am I not motivated? What the flippingly heck can I do to GET motivated? Anyone?
***
In other news, an ex-colleague came around yesterday. Her husband left her and their son in November and is, by all accounts, being a twonk. I don’t like to judge other people’s relationships too much these days, because having looked more closely at mine, I can see how you can never really see what it’s like. But he IS acting like a twonk. It was nice to see her (despite the fact I was so nauseous and icky from illness/wrong food that I wanted to go to bed and weep self-pityingly), and actually quite good in some ways to feel that I am further on that I used to be. I know that’s inevitable but to offer an insight as someone 3 years further on than she is, did make me think ‘god, I’ve done the hard bit’. I don’t sit and sob in corners any more, I don’t cut myself or scratch myself, I don’t actively want to die, every day any more. That’s got to be good, even when there are days when I can’t swallow for the lump in my throat or when divorce papers come through and the ink runs from my tears. I have to remember that the depression IS lifting. The fog I was living in, that means I can’t remember the first year of child 2’s life at all, is clearing a bit. Some days it comes back, sometimes it’s just a mist, but there are even sunny patches some days. That’s good to be reminded of.
***
Anyway, I was going to write more, but no. I’m going to go and put the sodding bins out, and wash up and do my counselling homework, and be in bed before 11. I so am today, I really really absolutely positively am.
Let me just check up on those tattoos again first.
It’s 4:52am and I have been up awake for the last hour. It’s now Valentine’s Day; a commercial holiday I no longer care for. I’m sure I would feel differently if I had a man in my life lol oh well!
The past 4 years have been nothing but struggle! Let me take you back to March 2006; I had just given birth to my son. I was a single mother on workers compensation (I tore my acl at work) and things were just rough. My son’s father decided he wasn’t going to be involved when I was 6 months pregnant. It hurt but I had no choice but to suck it up and deal with it. I NEVER thought he would do that. Don’t punish the child because you don’t want to be with the mother! He honestly doesn’t have one good reason as to why he is not involved in his son’s life. JERK!
By the end of 2006, I’m working again and things are starting to look good! I have a steady job and doing my thing. I bought a car and moved into my own apartment by the end of 2007. I’m in the groove, thinking I’m good. I can sit back and just enjoy what I have with my son. Second quarter 2008, there was a 5% pay cut at work. Wow! Now I’m really STRUGGLING! I have a car note, rent, utilities, health insurance for my son, car insurance, and day care; it’s getting harder to keep up with the bills by myself. Damn, here comes another pay cut! You can’t be serious! Now there is no way I can pay all the bills! Car….gone! Apartment….gone!
Forced to move back in with my mom by the end of 2008, I figure I could stay with her and save money to get my own. 2 months after moving back to my mom’s I was laid off from my job. It was January 2009. I’m at my wit’s end! I don’t know what to do. I know I can get unemployment, but there’s no way I’ll ever be able to get back out there with that little bit of money! There are no jobs, so I re-enroll in school to obtain a Certificate of Proficiency for Medical Office Assistant and an A.A.S for Administrative Professional. I’m in my third semester, I’ve been doing great in all my classes! I can’t wait to finish, it will be a huge accomplishment for me.
It’s February 2010 and I recently signed the lease to my apartment! Just me and my son! I’ve worked out a budget and it works for me. I’m starting off small, you have to crawl before you walk. I want to do things right. I need stability for my son and that’s exactly what I plan on giving him. I want to give him the best life that I can! He is EVERYTHING to me! My motivation to always strive to do better! It’s because of him that I know one day we’ll be fine again!
Today I was watching CNN channel 91, they were updating about Haiti. As you all know Haiti had gone through a major disaster earthquake, which shook the whole country up side down. As seen on the television my heart really cries out for all the little children who were injured and been separated from their family. I told my mum that I would want to further support the people of Haiti by donating more money. My mum agree that she will donate it for me on my behalf.
Parents and children alike were entertained this week by Year 1 and Year 2 as they put on their Spring production. Dressed in fantastic costumes, the children acted and sang their way through a story all about life in Fairy Dell and how it changed when some naughty goblins moved in. The goblins spoilt parties and even the Fairy Dell Ball, much to the disgust of the fairies and pixies who already lived in Fairy Dell. Thankfully, the goblins soon saw the error of their ways as the residents prepared to move out, and, as the final song says… ‘All’s well that ends well’!
Many thanks go to the parents and staff who helped out with learning lines, learning songs and making costumes and scenery.
With saddles blazing and cameras clicking, our Tucson trip was a blast this past weekend. Between birthdays galore, superbowl fun (where i ate my body weight in M&Ms), and a plethora of fun photo ‘ops’, i return ready for a productive week as a stay-at-home mom. I believe 4 weeks ago i posted a blog about that week’s goals. Well, i think that to do list is done and i can start on a new one. (I hope that makes every single mommy who’s reading this right now nod their head and laugh out loud).
Lets see how this list does: gym 3 xs this week, 2 cooked meals, finalize McALPINE wedding (post, proof, cd, album), blog 4 xs, solid devos everyday, laundry, family time 4 xs, discipleship with Sam, Saskia & Angela, phone call(s) with bf Devyn……and more i’m sure. In between those goals i’ll be working on enjoying my children, doing whatever other chores i can fit in, making sure my husband feels loved, having a couple late night Law&Order hot dates with Sam (inevitable) and whatever else randomly happens…Of course there is a shoot tomorrow night, small group wednesday night, E-session Friday afternoon and portrait session saturday…and then Valentines….
Anyways, goals are all grey these days and i find that most days are most fulfilling if i just make sure i’m diligent within the moment. Goals are fun but motherhood is defined by the unpredictable and I’m learning to just be okay with that. Dear mommy friends, i’m praying for you today. I’m praying that for those who are too task oriented for their own good–that you are able to let go and enjoy the now. For those that are more consumed by the mere present and forgot what it felt like to breath a breath of fresh air and think in whole flippin’ sentances–that you would, indeed, breath and then set some time aside for planning ahead and getting more control on things. What a fine balance this whole crazy stage is; a perpetual see-saw between immediate craziness and long-term stressors sprinkled with the the joys of grins and giggles, bills and chores all mashed together in one great big pot of mommy-hood.
So it’s 2:30am Tuesday morning and i’m sure i’m gonna pay for staying up so late. I ask myself so was the chai latte worth it ,stuipd? …. I’ll let you know in the morning. – Ten Four Rubber Duckey.
and just for kicks, here are a few teasers of a sweet daddy-son date i captured right before we left for tucson. more coming soon
Last night I watched Claire Danes do a remarkable job playing the lead role in the HBO movie, Temple Grandin, who as a toddler was diagnosed with autism.
Temple’s mother was told to institutionalize her daughter, which was not atypical back in the 1950’s. This was way before there were effective treatments for children on the autism spectrum, like Floortime™ and ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) therapy. In fact, when my husband and I attended an Asperger’s conference several years ago, Tony Attwood, an expert in Asperger’s Syndrome, mentioned something very interesting. He said that since Asperger’s didn’t become a recognized diagnosis until the 1990’s, several of us probably have family members (you know that “odd uncle” that was very quirky) who were misdiagnosed with schizophrenia, and might have even been institutionalized. (Note: I think that if Temple Grandin was diagnosed today, it would be that of Asperger’s, rather than autism, because she is so high-functioning.)
What I admire about Temple’s mother, according to the movie, was that she had the tenacity and fortitude to find the best programs and schools for her daughter that kept Temple out of the isolationist shell of autism. The movie didn’t portray her as ever trying to change her daughter into someone who is more socially acceptable or “normal”.
Because the diagnosis of autism or Asperger’s can be so devastating to parents, you often find yourself wishing that your child can “fit in” or have a “normal life”. It was easy to lose sight of being able to appreciate “the small stuff”. In the beginning, I learned to alter my expectations. For instance, I remember when my son was in 4th or 5th grade and other parents were relishing in their kids’ accomplishments on the soccer field or the school play. Our joy came from listening to our son making small talk with a carpool buddy for the first time, or joining a group of kids playing softball at a friend’s house for the first time.
Temple’s family was able to afford a caregiver whose job it was to play with her. We, too, were fortunate to be able to do early intervention with our son through Occupational Therapy and later Floortime™ Therapy and a listening therapy called Tomatis.
In fact, it was the Floortime™ approach that started us on our journey to help our son emotionally and socially. This approach, developed by Dr. Stanley Greenspan teaches the child to “develop a sense of pleasure in interacting and relating to others, and is done through play, based on the child’s interests.”
Floortime™ led us to a small private school where my son started in 5th grade that truly made the difference in our whole family’s life. This school uses the Floortime Approach, Occupational Therapy, and sensory integration principles to help children be successful socially and emotionally. In a more traditional school setting, a teacher may REACT to a behavior such as “refusing to write an essay”. At this school, they take great care in understanding WHY a child is having such difficulty. It is this approach that helped me and my husband to be able to deal with the meltdowns or the “refusals to go to bed”.
Temple Grandin is now a respected Animal Behavioral scientist and is a strong advocate for more humane livestock handling. She has designed many innovations at facilities that help reduce stress in the animals before they are slaughtered. Temple credits her autism for her success as a scientist. She recognized that autistic people and animals rely on visual clues to navigate their environment. This led to her devising new ways of how livestock are handled.
I’d imagine Temple would have a similar reaction to a question my son was asked as a second or third grader: “If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be”? My son’s answer was “me, of course”. He explained that if he was different, then he wouldn’t be into science and Star Wars, for example, and that’s what he likes about himself. I have to agree with him that his Asperger’s makes him who he is today: a creative, highly intelligent, inquisitive young man, whose dream is to work at the CDC one day.
From January 11-13 I attended the Cultural Diversity in Music Education conference in Sydney. It was an interesting conference, with a big range of workshops to participate in (Papua New Guinean log drumming, anyone? Balinese gamelan? Freedom songs from Pretoria?), papers to listen to, and some interesting plenary sessions that got everyone talking.
I presented my paper on some of the methodological challenges that I identified in conducting interviews with newly-arrived children – things like the kinds of questions you ask, things to consider when interpreting their responses, ambiguities that arise when you are working with interpreters, creative interviewing techniques and tools, etc.
Longtime readers of this blog will know that one of my early research ‘discoveries’ (for want of a better word) was a kind of map of the way that newly-arrived children first make sense of their new environment, and then work within it. I saw the way that within every aspect of schooling (from making sense of school cultural rules, to discipline-based learning like music or English) the children followed the same pattern or stages of learning:
Level 1 – where everything is learned by copying. The children don’t necessarily understand the intention behind the task, they are simply doing what they see others doing, and so figure out their participation in this way.
Level 2 – where the children begin to understand the intention, purpose and meaning behind the different things they do. They have more moments of illumination, and they begin to conect together previously separate bits of information and experiences.
Level 3 – they understand both what to do, and why/how to do it to such an extent that they can lead and show others (thus providing the ideal ‘model’ for those students who have just arrived in the country and are at Level 1).
Tony Lewis, an ethnomusicologist at Sydney Uni, hasbeen exploring a similar idea in terms of how music gets learned in different communities. He described his own conundrum when learning first African drumming, and later Papua New Guinean log drumming, where he found that all the local people learned simply by being there. There was no culture of teaching, or explanation – people just watched and listened and joined in as best they could, gradually building proficiency through an aural and visual process. By contrast he knew that for himself, as someone with a lot of formal musical training and ability to make quite detailed ‘maps’ of rhythms and sounds, the more he engaged those faculties developed through prior training and knowledge, the faster and more efficiently he would be able to make sense of the new musical language he was studying.
He has labelled that first way of learning as ontological learning – ie. learning that takes place through being there.
The second way of learning he has labelled epistemological learning – describing the emphasis on knowledge and knowing. This way of learning utilises learned skills such as analysing, and mapping, and allows theory to play a role in making connections between disparate elements.
Dialogic(al) learning takes place when the two combine and work together, so that, for example, theory can enhance learning that taskes place through being there.
Can I apply these concepts to the Language School setting? Certainly the notion of ontological learning aligns well with my ‘Level 1 learning’ stage of copying and imitation.
The Level 2 learning stage is about understanding the intention behind tasks. An example I described in my thesis showed a boy doing a words-and-sentences matching exercise. He understood that he needed to find a word from the given list that made sense in each of the different blank spaces of the exercise. However, some of the sentences seemed to have multiple possible answers from the list. However, when he realised that there was also a rhyming component to the sentences, and that the words he selected needed to rhyme as well as make sense, he suddenly was able to complete each sentence incredibly rapidly and confidently. Can I align this with epistemological learning? He is using a prior knowledge (that of rhyming words) in addition to the meaning of the words, to complete the task. He is drawing upon prior knowledge, and analysing tasks for elements that fit with his pre-existing schema.
Level 3 learning was for me, characterised by the leadership roles the children took on when they were confident, experienced students in the school. They took a lot of pride and pleasure in getting things right, in being able to engage in tasks with deep understanding, and being able to explain to newer students what was required. Perhaps this isn’t the neatest of alignments with dialogic(al) learning… but it does require them to both be present in the experience (for themselves and for their fellow students looking to them for leadership) and to be comfortable enough in how they understand something to be able to share that knowledge with others. There is a dialogue between their prior knowledge and understanding, appraisal and experience of the current task, and a kind of synthesising taking place that lets them model solutions for others.
All very interesting. I’ve looked to a few different disciplines to find a theory or conceptual model that describes the three stages that I have observed. Obviously the three are very connected to the children’s developing proficiency in English, but I feel the stages are broader than that. Writing this post today, I am not completely convinced that Tony Lewis’ 3-level model is an exact fit, but I find it interesting to consider the terms he has chosen – perhaps this model is getting close.
Once upon a time, Bruce and I used to sleep in until almost ten. We’d enjoy each other for a little while and share a shower, then inevitably head over to the local LePeep, which changed each time we moved—four times in our first four years together. He always got a skillet or a combo of eggs, bacon, peasant potatoes, and pancakes, and I used to order the eighteen-wheeler, which had French toast, the same famous potatoes, eggs, and a side of some type of pork that I would quickly shove over to him. We also loved to order the fancy $3 drinks, hot chocolate for me and a mocha for him. By noon, we were stuffed and ready to enjoy an afternoon of going to a movie, walking around the mall, or picking up a few groceries for our mid-week, mostly “freelance” (make what you want) meals. Then we would go out for dinner—our favorites were Chili’s, Old Chicago, or Noodles and Company. We might rent a movie after dinner, stay up late, and repeat the whole process on Sunday.
How foreign it all seems now. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had three babies, because I’m old, or because I’m too set in an early-morning routine, but even if my girls sleep past 6:30, there’s no way I ever will again. Now I might drink a glass of water while I cuddle on the couch with Mythili or remind the girls relentlessly to go potty and get dressed while I sip coffee and fix up a breakfast of homemade pancakes. (A restaurant for breakfast? Paying $3 for a cup of Joe? My flaxseed whole wheat w/applesauce pancakes beat anything I’ve ever bought at LePeep, and I make my own “mocha” with a scoop of hot cocoa in my morning coffee). Then we might linger before our first activity, which could include anything from going to Target to buy yet another birthday gift for a party Isabella’s invited to, taking the girls to a swim or skating lesson, or visiting the library to pick up the books we have on order and the movies we’ll need to entertain the girls so we can have ninety minutes of peace. We’ll come home and fix sandwiches with our homemade bread and set out our grass-fed beef for a meal that we chose from a recipe and whose ingredients we put on the grocery list a week ago. The afternoon will be filled with girls playing outside in the cul-de-sac or whining about using the computer or, like today, in a line of cars around a Lowe’s waiting to pick up Girl Scout cookies, and we’ll finally settle everyone down for a pre-dinner bath and movie, a delicious home-cooked meal, and a nice early bed time. Bruce and I will stay up “late” drinking a glass or two of wine while we watch our own Netflix movie, hitting the hay around ten.
Just like they always say: having a child changes everything. Having three makes you change your whole routine, your whole attitude towards what’s important, where your money goes, and how you spend your Saturdays.
The technical definition of a parent refers to the physical acts of conception and birth. If referencing only this definition, almost any post-pubescent male and female can become parents. However, a close relationship between a parent and their offspring frequently continues postpartum, which demonstrates that acting as a parent is more dimensional than the definition may show. While conception and birth is undoubtedly part of becoming a parent, the relationship between parents and offspring relies on an effort from the parents to maintain an emotional connection with and understanding of their children, and to communicate on their level.
Maintaining an emotional connection with children may seem like a daunting task or, the radical opposite, an extremely simple one. My parents believe they did and continue to do an excellent job fostering emotional ties with me, but I beg to differ. My mother and father never failed in going through the motions of asking me how my school day was, inquiring about relationships with my peers, and patting me on my back and crying with me when I was upset. However, they lacked when it came to understanding my opinions and accepting, if not embracing them.
Of course, three-year olds may not be able to adeptly form legitimate opinions, but if a child is old enough to research, form, and support their own thoughts, given that they are within legal and ethical boundaries, they are old enough to carry them out. While I understand that this may be hard for a parent and may seem contrary to the philosophy of parenting, from the eyes of a child, little stings more than being told your opinion is wrong. In my lifetime, several major battles have erupted between me and my parents, and I lost all of them.
The first of these battles dealt with religion, or, more specifically, my lack thereof. My parents are both immensely religious, and believe that the rest of the world should be as well. Although I have a strong Christian upbringing and spent most of my childhood in religious schools, around the seventh grade I began to feel a disconnect with the concept of God. While the idea of a divine being watching over me and a one way ticket to eternal paradise was appealing, it began to feel less like reality and more like Santa Claus. When I addressed this concern with my mother and informed her politely that I had no wish to attend any form of religious assembly, she retorted that under her roof I was obligated to share her opinion and that I would continue to appear at and participate in church services. Each Sunday, I begrudgingly chose a pre-approved outfit and sulked to my own personal hell. To this day my mother insists that I attend church on campus, a suggestion that I happily discard.
Another related instance yielded a similar outcome. Upon my return from a less than pleasant weekend of camping with my friends, my mother, in her sternest voice, called me into the family room for a discussion. After inconspicuously snooping online, she discovered my MySpace page, which she read extensively. On the page, she noted that I support gay marriage. Due to her intense involvement in the church, she refused to believe that homosexuality, and much less gay marriage, held up to her moral standards and questioned how I could love God while loving homosexuals. She then forbid me to see my two best friends, the first of whom is a lesbian and the second of whom is the daughter of a lesbian. Needless to say I was crushed, and resented the fact that I could do nothing about it.
The fact that my mother disagreed with my opinions is irrelevant; the bothersome truth is that she did not attempt to understand them. While parents may find it nearly impossible to accept that their children will eventually mature into adults, the process is inevitable, and with this maturation comes unique opinions and emotions. If a child’s opinions are repressed due to a parent’s small capacity for acceptance, they will either become a carbon copy of their parents, or feel little to no emotional attachment to their parents later in life. My old friend represents the former, while I tend towards the latter. Although in high school, Laila hung on each of her mother’s words without question, and allowed her mother to regulate both her academic and social life, although the mother had very few friends of her own. Now, Laila has no friends, no form of transportation other than her parents, and has only the ambition to become a mother. On the other hand, I listen to my parents’ opinions, but make my final decisions based on my beliefs and morals. I am also very apprehensive to share my thoughts and opinions with my parents due to fear of rejection. While the wish to keep a child close may seem like love, disregarding personal opinions and ostracizing all other aspects of a child’s life is less like love and more like a dictatorship. While parents are ultimately the authority until the offspring become legal adults, the parent can choose to be a democratic authority or a dictatorial one.
A boundary does exist between acceptance and condonation. Acceptance only requires a parent to understand and acknowledge a certain behavior or opinion but make no move to stop it. Condonation tends toward the embracement and approval of the behavior. While condonation is ideal in a parent-progeny relationship, at times only acceptance can be achieved.
A stable relationship between parents and children also necessitates communication on the level of the child. This communication does not involve “talking down”, but merely addressing matters in terms relevant to the offspring’s life at the time. For instance, explaining sex to a four year old in terms of pregnancy, sexually transmissible diseases, and love is not beneficial to the conversation. Instead, explaining it in terms of what is appropriate and what is not may be more useful, and often more productive. For a teenager, explaining sex in terms of pregnancy and diseases is often more helpful, and allows them to make their own informed decisions. The ability to communicate directly links to emotional openness; if a parent is not emotionally open, a child will not communicate and, in turn, could also become emotionally detached.
Although a parent’s job includes laying a moral and ethical framework for their offspring, their duties do not include strictly regulating thoughts and opinions, especially as a child develops. If a child never learns to think for themselves, a day may come when they are left unprepared to form logical and unique views. This not only threatens their ability to function as a member of society and a member of the academic community by inhibiting the creative thought process, but detriments social skills as well and causes individuals to appear dull, gullible, and unoriginal. Because of this, the relationship between a parent and child hinges on open emotional connection, acceptance, and understanding. Without the presence of these three traits, children may be emotionally helpless in their future, and may become resentful towards their parents.
It seems that every year to outdo each other producers in an attempt to infant products that are not only useful but also stylish and trendy too. It is no surprise that with today's popular "Going Green" movement, a new trend of marketing products for children using all natural materials and products. There are many organic and all natural products that are new to the children. You can find everything from bed linen products for skin care to toys. Here we willPreview a couple of these.
Linen Organic cotton is the way to go in those days. A new mother to find a variety of items for children from 100% organic cotton. Organic cotton is produced by cotton plants that are not treated with pesticides. This makes a minimal impact on the environment and provides new mothers, which is a chemical not make contact with the child's skin. Some of the elements organic cotton sheets that are new to the children in recent yearsBedding, towels, bed linen and crib changing table covers. Serta is still on the market an antibacterial mattress with layers of organic cotton and vinyl, which is produced without phthalates.
Baby Gear BABY from organic fibers is also available. A company called Pure Nature's has launched a line of equipment for children covered in organic cotton, natural color to life. The line includes a high chair, inflatable seat, garden swing and even a portable game. One of their topSuppliers is a stroller.
Skin Care Some of the most widely used natural products for babies are products for skin care. There are a number of decisions, shampoo, places, soap, sunscreen and diaper rash creams contain. A product that is new to children, is a soothing organic spray. This is produced by Nature's Baby Organics, and has a soothing scent of lavender, used in aromatherapy to relax and calm baby. Spray only mother on the bed of the child or favorite –Cover.
Food Production of organic food for children has increased dramatically over the past five years. It is possible for organic baby foods can be found right on the shelves of the supermarket. Before, it was found only in health care and specialty stores. Many parents today have their own organic baby food by pureeing fresh fruits and vegetables at home. This is not about eating, however, another important element that is new to children during feeding, the bottle BPA. BPA stands for Bisphenol A,a harmful compounds, which is known by some plastics, when holding hot or cold liquid alcohol.
Toys With all the lead paint and plastic BPA fears in recent times, parents are increasingly all natural wood toys for their children. This trend has increased the popularity of wooden toys and doll-faced fabric. For the little ones can be found wooden rattles and teething rings, and wooden toys with bright fabrics strings to promote the child.
As you can see, thereThere are many products for mothers who give their children a "green" you want to start life.
Since it’s after 2 o’clock in the morning and I cannot sleep I might as well talk (or should i say type?) a little on here.
Yesterday was my daughters first Birthday so it was really special, not just because she turned 1 but also because she decided to mark the occasion by taking her very first step… I couldn’t believe it, me and my husband were shocked because she just stood up and put one pudgy toe forward and walked forward! I was so very proud. My baby girl got to eat cake for the first time and it was comical how she took such delicate little bites of the frosting, anyways I took pictures but honestly I havent the energy to get everything uploaded right now but I will post some good ones when I do.
Well thats about all the updating I can muster up at the moment, im going to try to get some sleep, the key word here is “try”.
This is nuts! I always thought that I have things figured out. Boy was I wrong! Life is more up in the air now than it was when I was 21. Are we gonna have another kid are we not, why, why not. Are we buying a house, are we not. Are we real people put here by God or are we puppets being puppetted by some rogue force within the universe. I couldn’t resist the Matrix analogy. Geez, the only real certianty is uncertianty! How do you prepare your coddled children for the reality of the world? How soft is too soft. Can a boy cry and still grow up strong? Why not? Can he not cry and grow up soft enough to cry when he needs to? Life. My life. Everyones life!
Our three year old, under careful guidance from his Jedi master (his dad), has come to the realisation he is, in fact, Yoda.
What was I to do? I could not shatter his dreams. Perhaps he is indeed a Jedi master, and I am yet to see the truth.
So. I made him a Jedi cloak.
He loves it.
It also doubles as a Jawa cloak too, when he is feeling like a change of pace.
I made up the pattern after a scan of the patterns online. It’s just one big piece, cut up the front, with seams at the side and up under the arms. The hood is 2 large pieces sewn onto the neck. Of anything, it was the trickiest to get right, is needed to be much bigger than I originally anticipated. It was fun.
In her book, Parenting, Inc., author Pamela Paul contends (and I agree) that all those battery-operated toys children now play with are robbing them of their sense of creativity and empowerment. She recounts stories of children who look for the batteries in every toy they pick up, or who pick up a stuffed animal and ask: “What does this do?”
Parenting, Inc. also looks at the mushrooming enrichment class industry. Parents spend dozens of hours – and hundreds of dollars – each month shuttling their children to classes that provide the same type of stimulation which previous generations of children got from parents and caregivers, at home, for free. While there’s nothing wrong with a swimming lesson, ballet class, or piano instruction, many children’s schedules are managed more tightly than a CEO’s, leaving little time for riding bikes, going to the park, and being kids. Consider one mom I worked with last year: She sent me a two-page letter outlining her 3-year old daughter’s weekly activities and asking me for my thoughts. She had programmed her child’s entire day in half-hour segments, except for the one-hour formal classes she took daily, which included piano, horse-back riding, tumbling, swimming and art. From the time she came home from Montessori school at noon, the child was herded from one activity to the next, whether she liked it or not. Even her weekends were programmed. Not surprisingly, the child was a nervous wreck and struggled to adapt to the free-choice Montessori environment.
In 2007 I came up with an idea for a children’s book/poem. Being artsy, I developed the look of my characters first, the ‘Bubble Dragons’. Well I’ve recently completed the poem and want to look at getting it illustrated and presented to publishers in 2010/11. That is my goal, but ’til then I invite you into their world..
Although not with the hat or nappy, obviously.)
Parents and children alike were entertained this week by Year 1 and Year 2 as they put on their Spring production. Dressed in fantastic costumes, the children acted and sang their way through a story all about life in Fairy Dell and how it changed when some naughty goblins moved in. The goblins spoilt parties and even the Fairy Dell Ball, much to the disgust of the fairies and pixies who already lived in Fairy Dell. Thankfully, the goblins soon saw the error of their ways as the residents prepared to move out, and, as the final song says… ‘All’s well that ends well’!
