Today I was reading something I wrote down last year but never published.
Re-reading it today has brought up so many emotions. In a previous post, I wrote about my husband “getting into moods”.
It was a difficult decision, but I have decided to give you a glimpse of what “a mood” is by publishing what I wrote as it is a good example.
Some background:
My daughter was just about to turn 11, My eldest son was 9 and my youngest son was 5.
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Due to the holidays and birthdays, it is ironic that today is meant to be one of the happiest days of the year.
Today I went out with mum to the shops as it will be my daughter’s birthday on Sunday and we both wanted to get her a present. While I was at the shops, I saw a tub of musabi covered peas and I remembered that my husband really liked them and so I got them for him. My mother laughed and commented how I am always thinking of him.
Later when I came home I thought that I would cook some of the Cod I had bought with Potatoes as I thought that my husband would really like it. I cooked it quickly so that my husband could have some before he went to pick up my eldest son from a club and then take him to a play. We all would have gone, but my youngest son has a throat infection and he could not go so husband went on his own with my eldest son.
While my husband and my eldest son were away, I tidied up the living room of all the kids toys and I was in the middle of tidying the kitchen when my husband came home. As soon as he got through the door – or actually, before he even closed the front door, he had started having a go at me.
He wanted to know why the kitchen was in such a mess – he went upstairs and then came running down to demand why my youngest son’s room was such a mess. I told him that it was an organised mess, as in the we had got all of the drawers clean and tidy and we had piled up all the rest of the stuff into different piles – actually my daughter did that. I told my husband that I needed to get some boxes tomorrow so that I could put the different piles away in an orderly fashion.
My husband said that what I said was rubbish.
I had enough and stopped washing the dishes and pointed out to him what I was in the middle of tidying and I asked him to stop moaning.
My husband then decided to have stories with the children.
I was downstairs watching TV when I hear him explode and shout at the top of his voice “GET OUT, GET OUT OF HERE”
I ran upstairs to see what was going on – I saw my eldest son in tears – I asked him what was going on. My eldest son was hysterically crying and begging me not to go into my room as he thought that I would also be very angry with him. It turns out that my eldest son and my youngest son were kicking each other and my eldest son kicked my glass over and he thought it had smashed.
My husband then comes out of the room with a face like thunder.
He demands that the children all go to bed.
He then turns to me and says that I would never find the glass anyway because it was such a mess.
The kids run upstairs and I ask my husband to go out and calm down.
He storms upstairs and sweeps all of the piles away in my youngest sons Room and violently throws everything off my youngest sons bed and puts him in bed.
I go into the room and ask my husband again to go downstairs. Which he does.
I ask him to go out for a walk so that he can calm down and I can see to the children. I wait while he picks up his shoes and my husband shouts at me “What are you looking at? Just leave me alone” I said No, I wanted him to go out.
My husband then turns on me and shouts that he is fed up with having to deal with me – he comes over and makes out to hit me but then sees a pillow on the floor and kicks it instead.
He then shouts at me that I can’t do anything I can’t even keep the house nice and that I should “look at yourself”.
Like an idiot I asked him what did he mean.
I can hear my eldest son still crying upstairs and my daughter hovering near the top of the stairs listening.
I asked my husband again to go out and calm down because I wanted to go to the kids and see to them and I couldn’t do that while he was around.
He shouts at me again – “stop looking at me”. He then gets his coat and says as he is getting it. “You know, I don’t want you any more anyway”
I said that he has made his position perfectly clear to me but I wanted him to go so that I could calm the children down.
My husband goes out and I then go up to the children.
I first go in to see my eldest son. My eldest son says that he does not want Daddy anymore and he wants to know if I got rid of him.
My youngest son was nearly asleep.
My daughter was in bed having just cried because my husband shouted and messed up all of her hard work in my youngest son’s room.
What can I say – Happy Holidays.
Now I don’t want to go upstairs knowing that he is up there.
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