Shower the People You Love With Love

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Remember the James Taylor Song?  Showering people you love with love is awesome!  It feels great to be the showerer and the showeree.

What happens when the way you choose to shower people isn’t exactly what feels good to them though?

Baby showers are a tradition in our culture.  A time to gather together with people you love to celebrate the coming of your bundle of joy.  A time to lavish attention and gifts on the mother and to help make sure that the newborn will have everything needed to be well equipped for life.

All of this is good, and sweet, and loving.

My wife and I have chosen to live a simple lifestyle for ourselves.  We buy most of our clothes from second hand stores and we are very intentional about the things we buy, or more often, don’t buy.  This is a process that we started four years ago and it is still a work in progress.  It is work.  The decisions we make are not always easy and there is usually some emotional wrestling that goes on particularly between me and the latest electronic gadget (read Kindle).

Shortly after announcing our pregnancy people began asking us what we needed.  They wanted to help us and show us they loved us.  We really appreciated it.  We also became aware that the lifestyle we had chosen for ourselves and our family was on a direct collision course with the tradition of baby showers.  We envisioned a house full of electric baby wipe warmers, two sets of baby monitors and even a baby jacuzzi!  AHHHHHHHH!

Even scarier to us was the feeling that maybe we wanted all this stuff after all.  Maybe we needed it.  Maybe our baby would somehow feel deprived without it!

After much discussion between the two of us we decided that it would be far to easy to get off track about our lifestyle choices if we allowed the baby to be our excuse to consume.  Now, how would we tell our friends and family that we did not want the traditional shower or shower gifts?

We told them the truth.  The truth about our feelings, our lifestyle and out fears.  It has been amazing.

We have received a crib, a bassinet, a dresser, a changing table, a high chair, a swing, a bouncer and several booster seat thingies, all used, all free to both us and the givers of the gifts, all given to us in love.  We have so many onesies, sleep shirts and socks that we won’t need clothes for the better part of a year.  Most of these items were given to us one at a time and informally.  They are gifts that we will use with gratitude and then pass along to someone else who needs them when we are done.

We have received some new items; car seats, stroller and some gift cards to get last minute needs, but for the most part, we have gotten everything we need by re-using from friends.

Our family still wanted to give us a shower though.  We found out how much our family was willing to support and respect our decisions about gifting.  They gave us some blankets made by our young nieces, some clothes and a baby carrier that were duplicate gifts given to them during their baby showers (YEAH OPEN AND HONEST RE-GIFTING), and a blanket purchased in a consignment shop. It was wonderful to be able to celebrate our baby and the loving family we come from without giving in to the pressure to have a huge baby shower.  We felt so loved by them, not just for the gifts but for respecting our wishes, for paying attention to who we are trying to be as a family and for supporting us in those decisions.

If you are finding yourself in a similar predicament, we can honestly say, tell people what you want and do not be afraid to be different.  Suggest ways that they can shower you with love and still respect your lifestyle:

• Encourage regifting for your shower
• Suggest second hand and consignment shops
• Let them know that you would be happy to use their retired baby furniture

Keep it simple for you and your child.

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