Hello! Merry *belated* Christmas and the best wishes for a wonderful new year!! I have missed my blog and all of you that sit here waiting for me to say something …. even if it’s a bunch of non-sense gibberish. I’m sorry I have been off in la-la land between moving, Christmas, kids, getting the old place together for the landlord’s inspection, college finals, oh …. and the person I’m married to who is STILL drinking. Can you believe it?
It just so happens that I ended up moving into the new place on the 12th. Bless the manager’s heart for saying “Hey … go ahead. Just clean & paint and you’re rent free until Jan. 1st.” Woot. Unfortunately …. alcho tagged along. Purely my own choice … yes … with regrets I must inform you.
His newest guilt trip “So after we clean the old place and have everything move you’re kicking me out right?” .. my reply is silence but my mind is saying in the most sarcastic tone .. “How did you GUESS? My gosh you must be the next golden psychic. It’s not like you have devastated my life, ripped me apart emotionally, practically abused our children in-directly, spent a majority of your life drunk, lied to me, and stolen from me. But other than that … oh yes! I’m meeting with the domestic violence advocate next week who will be arranging for me to meet with a lawyer to file for divorce. Good guess!”
Christmas sucked in a big fat way. I mean it was wonderful watching the kids open their presents … to leave Santa cookies and milk … and of course freezing as we slowly and carefully left oats & glitter (reindeer dust) all over the sidewalk. Christmas sucked because he drank. He drank the day before Christmas, the day before that, the day before that, and of course AFTER Christmas. The best being below …..
Yet again I had to leave work early as I came home early one afternoon to ask him to go to the store for our elderly neighbor to buy her cat food. There he was standing in the kitchen, happy as pie doing dishes with a beer right on the kitchen table. I didn’t even say anything. I just walked out and went back to work. Mind you I work with my parents … so I look at them and say “What the fuck now?” 10 minutes pass …. 20 minutes pass … my dad & I go outside to have a ciggerate and guess what!?? Here comes alcho. I can clearly tell by his staggering walk that he drank more in twenty minutes. Mind you alcho is a slammer. He will slam an entire 6 pack in an hour if given the chance. He is on a rage. My dad who is ignoring alcho goes off in another direction to offer privacy and alcho staggers upto me ready to brawl. He starts yip yapping about how he’s “going to call my dad out about being an asshole” and starts to approach my 52 year old father. Wow .. I saw red. #1 – He left my three children ALONE at the apartment across the street. #2 – It’s noon folks and he is drunk and trying to start shit at my place of business. This day ended in a 4 hour argument and him finally passing out while I tried my hardest to gather back my sanity.
He ruined the holidays and he doesn’t care. In fact, yesterday … he told me he was going to buy beer and did JUST that. I boiled on the inside but took peace in knowing – he’s only digging a deeper hole for himself.
So nothing has changed and everything is still the same. I am building the courage to finally speak out. However, I just know how it will end up … him threatening suicide, getting piss ass drunk, and going on a rage. Truthfully .. it’s like dealing with a drunk child most of the time.
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